Good evening….Jordan. I’m Stone Phillips.
Funny you say good evening, Stone, very funny, because you and I both know, Stone, that it’s only 4:59pm and evening does not start until 5pm. Anyways, good evening Stone. I always knew it would happen like this.
Happen like what?
Yes, I sing the vocal part typically described as “bass”, if you will, Stone. And yes, I am from Rockford, Illinois. And also, yes, I was actually born on March the 8th, the year circa nineteen hundred and ninety-three.
I…I didn’t ask you any of those questions, Jordan.
No, no you didn’t stone. But I took the liberty of answering them. Because Lord knows with a name like Stone, we’d be here all day. I like you Stone, I really do, you’ll do alright, but ya know, being an interviewer, and letting the interviewee ask and answer all of his own questions really speaks to your character and competence not only as a news anchor, but as a human being.
Thank you, Jordan. I needed that. So, I’ll go ahead and ask the question that I think we all have been wondering: Do you exist?
Well, contrary to popular belief Stone, yes, I do, in fact, exist. But then again, what is existence, really? And really, Stone, what are you?
In our brief period of knowing each other, Jordan, I have to be honest and tell you that sometimes I just want to strike/smite you. Also, what year in school are you and what do you want to be when you grow up?
I am a sophomore, currently majoring in acting, and I wish to follow in the footsteps of Stephen Ladner. And then Adam Welch. And then Jim Ryan, Isaac Robert, Suraj Patnaik, Scott Rausch, Tyler Bayne and Jeffta Rahardja. And then laugh at the lonely, lonely footsteps of Rundy.
Disclaimer: Just kidding, I love Rundy.
Have you ever had fun?
Yeah I had that one time. It was cool.
What is a fun fact about yourself?
Rundy used to raise fainting goats.
What is your favorite place on campus?
South of the Japanese Gardens and the Veterinary campus, out by the Pollinatarium.
Do the names Moses and Maggie mean anything to you?
Why yes Stone! Moses is my boxer and he turns 4 on October 27th! And Maggie is my chocolate lab and she turned 2 this past June 28th! They’re two of a kind.
Well I appreciate your cooperation Jordan, and I honestly have to say, I barely know anything more about you now than I did before this interview, but at least now I think it’s fair to say you just might exist. Any last thoughts?
The great East Indian spiritual leader Paramahansa Yogananda once said, “Let my soul smile through my heart and my heart smile through my eyes, that I may scatter rich smiles in sad hearts”. Thank you Stone.